I arrived at the hottest Cuban restaurant in Manhattan on a Saturday night, 8pm to be exact. He asks, “Will you be meeting someone?” I say, “Nope.” He tries again, only using different words, “Are you waiting for someone to arrive?” Again, I say no, only this time with a smile. He proceeds to let me know their seating policy is that the party cannot be seated until the full party has arrived. It’s at this point the plot truly thickens, “I’m aware. The party is here. Table for one, please.” His reaction was full on perplexed-mode, and then the comments began, “Oh ok, right this way.” Heading towards the darkest part of the room, the questions continue. “How is someone so tall and beautiful having dinner alone on a Saturday night?”, as if our capability to eat is determined by height and looks. I smiled with a thank you. I was seated at the smallest table against the wall, understandably of course. A few seconds later, another worker approached the table intensely swiping off the extra dinner place settings as if I’d caused an offense. Again, I smiled with a thank you.

This was my second trip to New York in a span of three months—I traveled solo for many reasons, one being just because I love spending time there. From borough to borough, Chicago to LA to New York, I noticed commonalities when it came to singlehood and dating yourself…it’s rare.

In speaking with friends and strangers alike surrounding this topic, it seems as if society has this level of fear when it comes to being alone or being seen alone. It’s as if we’d rather be around people we have no connection with than being inner-connected with ourselves. We’d rather mold ourselves into being who we think others want us to be than truly sitting down to meet our selves. But why? Why are we so afraid of that table for one and more importantly why are we so uncomfortable in being alone with ourselves, our thoughts, truths and creating our moments? Why must we wait on others for us to experience life?

At no fault to others, my former marriage, and a few relationships for that matter, were based on waiting to experience life—waiting for time to come, waiting on others to make plans, waiting for work to slow down, waiting on schedules to match. My days were turned to months turned to years of waiting rather than creating. It wasn’t as if I was waiting on the Lord; I was waiting on people and dependent on other humans to experience life. In turn, resentment grew deeper and deeper. The longer I waited, the more hurt and disappointed I grew watching time, memories and life pass me by.

What I learned is that this is the norm, but it doesn’t have to be. And here I speak to my beautiful ladies: as evolving women, one thing that is for certain are the variety of titles we’ve been able to experience, each being beautifully connected to someone else, but again, being connected to someone else – daughter, girlfriend, fiancé, wife, mother, single mother, grandmother and so on. Each season, in its own time, brings its own challenges, causing us to not just rise to the occasion but to rise above it, and we do so with grace. So why is it that oftentimes we get stumped when the ones we are connected to, the ones we are waiting to experience life with, have no urgency in the moments we’re wishing to create? We have to get to a point of knowing that we don’t have to wait to create our memories.

Beautiful woman, you are not just his wife, her mom, her daughter or his girlfriend.

You are a woman of God, who can do all things through Him who strengthens you. So take that stroll, plan that date and when the host asks, “Table for one?” simply look them in the eye, say yes and smile with a thank you.