For as long as I can remember I’ve had two types of days:

In one, I mostly succeed in what I decided I needed to accomplish and therefore feel God’s pleasure and approval.

In the other, I don’t measure up and feel God’s disappointment and disapproval (even subconsciously) at the end of the day.

This also happens on the days I just don’t have the emotional strength or energy to do anything productive. “God has given me this day and I can’t seem to muster anything up. He must be so disappointed in me.”

It was on one of these particularly unproductive days that a new reality crashed in on me.

I was laying in bed, feeling helpless, with an anvil-weight on my chest of things I should be accomplishing, when I suddenly got an image of myself as a little girl in bed with a cold. I remembered that whenever I was sick my mom would make me soup and let me watch my favorite movies if I couldn’t sleep. Or, she’d just let me lay in bed all day doing nothing but resting.

Suddenly, I realized I wasn’t allowing my Heavenly Father to extend the same kindness my mother had. I thought that even on my physically or emotionally sick days He was expecting me to just “buck up and get stuff done!” That’s what being an adult was, right?

But, are we ever really “adults” in God’s eyes?

My heavenly Abba has proven time and time again that He understands me better than anyone else. He sees how things affect me and drain me. He sees the internal griefs and struggles that no one else can see. He also sees the physical strain things take on my body. Not to mention the fact that I’m human, and by default, I’m not going to get things right or feel like superwoman 100% of the time (or even 40%?). As a good and all-knowing Father, who still sees me as His child, He has factored that in! So, what was I missing in my perspective of my Father?

It all came together in one word:

Grace.

I realized I had been valuing God’s empowerment for my “good” days, but not His grace for my “off” days.

I could sense His delight in me if I won, but I couldn’t feel it if I failed or just, lacked.

Suddenly this perspective of His character felt false and thin.

“My daughter,” I felt Him gently say to me and also to you, “If you only feel my delight in you when you get things right, that means you aren’t valuing my grace as much as your own perfection. Grace is what I died to give you. I delight to give it to you, and I delight in you whether you’re running the race or catching your breath on the sideline. Grace comes in your failures, in your off moments, even in the moments when all you can do is curl up in my lap and cry. And, I love those moments just as much! What good parent doesn’t delight in cradling their sick child just as much as celebrating their moments of strength and victory? Go ahead and value my grace as much as my empowerment for your good days. Go ahead and feel my delight in you, even now, when all you can do is lay in bed and cry.”

This changed everything!

This meant I should only ever experience 1 kind of day:

The kind where my Father is delighting in me. Period.

This meant there isn’t a single moment He isn’t delighting in me!

Jesus died to clothe us in His perfection and give us access to constant, waterfall-grace. That means that even when we screw up, even when we can’t muster the motivation to complete that task or do that good deed- even then, God is cradling us with a delighted smile saying “don’t worry baby girl, you’ll get it next time. Just rest.”

And think about it, receiving His grace and feeling His pleasure is the best medicine we could ever receive to get back on our feet. It’ll work 100% better than the doses of shame, condemnation, and disappointment we try to prescribe to ourselves!

I choose to value His grace as much as – and higher than – my own performance.

I choose to believe He’s pleased with me- even through my stumbles.

I choose to feel that pleasure every day, especially when I have nothing to give but the weight of this fragile frame within His strong and loving arms.

Because God doesn’t just love who He’s making us: He loves the silly, messy, stumbling version He’s walking with today.

Go ahead and give yourself permission to feel His delight in you- right where you’re at and every single moment.

From here on out, I declare there’s only one kind of day we get to live:

The one where our Abba Father is gazing at us with a glow of delighted love.

Oh yes. He’s just that good.

Jewel Hargrove
Jewel Hargrove

Jewel is an actor, writer, fighter (kickboxing) in the live and vibrant palette of Los Angeles. Her daily goal is to simply be loved by Heaven Himself. After that, everything becomes a beautiful side-effect. On a regular day you might find her chatting with birds outside her window, taking a youth out to coffee, crafting an upcoming role, or dream-wandering through the enchanted forests of her upcoming fantasy novels. For Jewel, the line between heaven and earth is more like a glittering blur.

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