As women we are afforded endless opportunities to practice the art of juggling. We manage multiple roles and responsibilities at the same time, discovering at a young age the incredible need for this skill. As friends, sisters, daughters, wives, and mothers, there is no shortage in the demand for our time and attention.

Add to this already bustling existence our roles as entrepreneurs, business owners and ministry leaders, and these brilliant minds of ours rarely rest. Our purpose-driven, hustle-hungry souls are ever dreaming up new projects, another creative endeavor, or innovative ways to create social change.

While some punch a clock and get to mentally check out from work, our brains do some of their best work as we’re settling in for the night, or in the wee hours of the morning. Creativity is rather impolite when it comes to honoring our schedule. And left to run wild, it can wreak havoc between the sheets.

In the final stages of writing my book last spring, while pulling all-nighters and happily boycotting laundry to stay on schedule, my poor husband was feeling the weight of my absence. Emotionally and physically. On one particular night as he walked by my favorite writing chair, where I sat surrounded by scribbled on post-it notes, open research books and empty coffee mugs, he whispered, “Hey babe, why don’t you come and practice a little of what you’re preaching over there?” “I can’t,” I replied, “I’m on a roll, love…it’s gonna be so good!”

Yes, about that. I’m a little embarrassed to admit that I was writing about sex. Oh, yes. A whole book all about sexual intimacy and the need to prioritize it in our marriages. I was on a roll alright, jazzed by the creative momentum I had built in those final weeks, while inadvertently starving my hubby of the very thing I was passionately writing about. Talk about conviction.

Sadly this is not an uncommon story in many marriages today. It may not be writing that keeps you up at night, or research that has you mentally preoccupied, but if we are not intentionally unplugging from the hustle and bustle to regularly connect sexually with our husbands, we will build businesses while the intimacy in our marriages quietly crumbles. Busyness shows no mercy to a weary bed-mate.

While sex can be an uncomfortable subject to tackle, especially within the four walls of the church, it’s a conversation we need to have. Not just because it’s refreshing to know we’re not alone in our struggles, but because the more we understand God’s heart on the subject, the more we’ll fight to protect its place in our marriages.
Here are 3 ways to energize your marriage and ensure that the business in your bedroom is kept as vibrant and alive as the business you’re building:

1. Take care of yourself.

While this might sound like a no-brainer, self-care is often the first thing to go when life gets busy. And developing a business or organization is no walk in the park.

As women we were created to appreciate beautiful things. When we feel beautiful ourselves, we’re more apt to offer our beauty to others. More specifically, to our husbands.

Interestingly enough, scientists have discovered that the female human being is the only species that is aroused by her own pheromones. The way we feel about ourselves, and the way we show up on a daily basis in this little world of ours, actually effects how engaged and involved we will be in the sexual portion of it.

When we take time to invest in our inner and outer health, and choose to feel good about our bodies, our confidence will dramatically affect how we show up in the bedroom.


2. Schedule it in.

Yes, actually put it on the calendar. The one on the kitchen, if necessary. Come up with a creative doodle or code-word that lets you both in on the plan without giving it away to your children or dinner guests.

If our brains are our greatest sexual organ—and ours tend to be overflowing with creative business ideas and product launches—it goes without saying that unless it’s on the calendar, it just might not happen.

As silly as scheduling sex might seem, knowing that you’ve got a weekly night to connect takes some of the pressure off while giving you ample time to mentally prepare (think crockpot vs. microwave…we all know which one we are). And as exciting as our entrepreneurial journeys may be, it’s essential that our husbands’ not have to compete with them for our attention.


3. Put that creative streak to good use.

Let’s be honest, sex gets a bad rap in the church. But if we believe God designed it to be a powerful gift for His most beloved creation, it stands to reason that He’d want us to actually enjoy this great gift. Right? Right.

And if our creativity—celebrated and valued as it is in our work—is an earthly expression of God’s extravagant creativity, why would we not feel the freedom to be creative in our bedrooms? It’s high time we reclaim the exquisite gift of sexual intimacy that the world has stolen, distorted and misused, and celebrate it with the freedom God intended we have.

It’s worth mentioning here too that while our husbands appreciate our willingness to engage sexually, they don’t want just a willing and compliant body. They actually long for an involved, engaged partner in passion. So don’t hesitate to bring that feisty leadership streak you exhibit in other areas of your life into your bedroom too.

Creating a business we feel passionate about is an incredible honor. Building an organization that impacts the world is profoundly satisfying. But investing in a marriage that paints a stunning picture of the Father’s heart for His people, while reinforcing the strength of our connection with our greatest teammate, now that is irreplaceable.

Joy McMillan

Joy is a seed planter and fire starter. As a speaker, writer and life coach, she is passionate about empowering women to embrace their stories, live their passions and love their lives. She’s a graphic designer, the author of “XES: Why Church Girls Tend To Get It Backwards…and How To Get It Right” and the founder of the We ROAR Project.

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