A Mother Following Her Dreams

Mom.” “Mom” ‘Mooommm!” “Yes, honey, I am sorry I was thinking about something.” “What were you thinking about?” my curious one asked. “What was I thinking about??” I thought. My mind began to wander and before I knew, it was running away altogether. I searched my mind of where the first thought began and of course how to answer my son’s question. My son is inquisitive like his father. He needs all the details but I didn’t know the details. I don’t know… I don’t know…. I don’t know…. played on a continuous loop in my head because truth be told I didn’t know.

Now here you go again, you say you want your freedom.

The fog lingered in my mind like a billow of smoke. The vision I had for my life was silently slipping away like a thief in the night, taking all my dreams and desires with him. All the passion and hard work to become a writer all of a sudden seemed pointless even reckless. You know the thoughts I am talking about… “You are crazy for thinking you have a gift.” “Just because someone, somewhere once told you that you can write does not make for a writer.” “ No one even knows who you are!”

But listen carefully to the sound.

I heard my son again…”Mom?” “What are you thinking about?” “Well son, mommy is thinking about what a loser she is for unsuccessfully trying and trying and trying to make a dream of hers come true. “Son, dreams don’t come true unless you are born with a silver spoon in your mouth.” “ You will need to get a “real’ job in the “real’ world and put those silly dreams away.” No folks, I did not say those words to my beautiful, free-spirited boy even though that was what my own mind was desperately trying to imprint on my brain.

Like a heartbeat drives you mad. In the stillness of remembering what you had and what you lost, and what you had, and what you lost.

We encourage our children to dream and they do, freely. They do it so much better than adults because they are uninhibited. They have not been tainted by “you can’t do it.’ They have not tasted the bitterness of rejection, yet. They are free to believe the magic is present, patiently waiting to be tapped into with their imaginative, uncluttered minds. Children live in a realm of possibilities, a higher plane.

Now, here I go again, I see the crystal visions, I keep my visions to myself, it’s only me who wants to wrap around your dreams and, have you any dreams you’d like to sell?

Max would come soaring into the kitchen in his spider man costume with his batman socks on. He usually had some type of force field around him so I couldn’t diminish his powers as I played the villain. I remember one night in bed telling him a story of how spider man was my friend and each night he went to sleep, spider man would scale the side of our house, climb into my window and we would solve crime in the city at night while he was sound asleep. He hung on my every word. Asking me, “Can I come with you next time? His mind was wide open, a clear space to dream and do and be.

I lay in bed with him that night looking at a full moon. I study it like never before. How did the moon get here? I knew the answer but it seemed so impossible. It just hangs in the sky? It affects the tides? It shines due to sunlight that reflects off its surface?

Shoot for the moon and you will land among the stars…abruptly jumped into my head. “Oh, a positive thought?” I was pleasantly surprised that the fog was lifting and my vision was a littler clearer as I snuggled my boy and gazed at the moon. The atmosphere shifted and I began to think, maybe just maybe I too will land upon the stars.

I dreamed that night like a little child. I was walking down a cobblestone street and into an unknown bookstore where they greeted me as if I was a long lost friend who came to visit. “Come in, Come in,” they said. The two ladies made their way to each side of me gently guiding me along the way. “This is the way,”, they gestured. I look up and there I am.

I awake, sweating behind my neck. I quickly try and fall back into the dream. I must know the ending. Will my dream come true? What was I to learn in the here and now?

We spend so much of our time chasing the future that we forget the present. I realized I am not promised tomorrow and that my dream was a gift of hope for today… this is the way!

Our minds are powerful but we must not forget what we decide to let in. I believe what we allow into our minds dictates our future. We must never lose our childlike quality of the dreams we carry. They are apart of our makeup, our design. Don’t tuck them away in a drawer or in the depths of your soul. Let them come out and play as often as you can.

Write, paint, cook, play, sing, dance and most importantly live free to dream.

For this is the way.

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