What about me? What about me?
Although this didn’t come out audibly, I felt this question echo through the depths of my being. It started like a jog. But its reverberations steadily began to sprint across my mind, picking up pace, drawing so close that I could feel its stride pound the paths of my thoughts.
Thankfully, my face was there to hold me back. Like a bodyguard who protects a celebrity from the craze of a crowd, my composed demeanor protected my friend from me. On the inside, my question was the attention-starved crowd screaming, “What about me? What will become of my dreams? How can I achieve my dreams like you are achieving yours? Why am I not as successful as you?” all while my face gave the perception of a calm and confident individual who took pleasure in listening to the thoughts of a valued artist and friend.
But in that moment, that perception could not have been more of a deception.
I was aching on the inside. I felt like I was looking uncertainty in the face as she talked about the opportunities that had become available to her recently and how her business was thriving and growing at a consistent rate. Her words were seeped in hard work, passion and dedication. And while my words desired to be submerged in these same elements, I felt as though they were slumped in a puddle.
I continued to listen to my friend, trying to change the pace of my thoughts. Though, in all honesty, I can’t fully remember many of the details to her story because I spent the majority of the evening trying to slow the sprint. You should be happy for her. She needs friends like that. Yet, with every emotional exchange I would attempt to make, there was always another path for my questions to sprint down, still thudding at my chest with each heavy impact.
How did I get to this point? What was the source of all this uncertainty and anxiety?
I realized amidst this conversation that I was not listening to my friend speak; instead, I was manifesting my insecurities within our dialogue. I had allowed insecurity to take the form of my friend. And it was through my friend’s words that insecurity spoke to me. It told me that I wasn’t trying hard enough or wasn’t passionate enough. It told me that I wasn’t worth the success and that I didn’t have what it takes to claim it. Essentially, my insecurity lied to me.
How often do you allow your insecurity to lie to you? How often do you nurse the wounds of your insecurity, as you swaddle it with your time and energy?
This, my friend, is one of the enemy’s greatest deceptions. If he can get you to believe that by cradling your insecurity you can rid yourself of its grip more easily, you are deceived. Why would you bring something so toxic so close? Perhaps it is because you weren’t aware of its toxicity. Perhaps it was because engaging with your insecurity was easier than ridding yourself of it. In either case, insecurity is not the kind of friend you want to keep around.
Insecurity is a codependent, attention seeking, and demanding “friend.” It is a web of lies and deceit, built by you with the help of your enemy. Yes, your insecurity is a product of your own creation, initiated by the whispers and lies of your enemy. Think about it. Your insecurities are not original to you or your God. Yet, they attack the most fragile aspects of your identity that only you know about. They are carefully crafted weapons, designed personally for your downfall. Why? Because, dear one, you are a threat to the enemy.
We are a threat to the enemy because he believes in the potential God says we have. We are a threat to the enemy because he believes in the power we possess as the children and the ambassadors of God Almighty. We are a threat because he believes, in the entirety of his being, that all that God says we are is true. How foolish are we if we choose to believe in ourselves less than our enemy does.
We were designed to live a life of abundance and fullness, existing from a place of victory that was given to us through Jesus Christ. It is from this victory that our Father sings praises over us, pouring His admirations in, over and above our capacity to receive it.
What can we do to live in this abundance?
2 Corinthians 10:3-5 says, “For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh. For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds. We destroy arguments and every lofty opinion raised against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to obey Christ.” Simply do not give your insecurity access and reign in your thought life. Take it captive; give it back to God; and think on the authentic, lovely, and true ideas regarding your identity (Phil. 4:8).
It was as soon as I recognized the root of my running questions that it came to a ceasing halt. My chest was no longer bombarded by the thudding pace of worry but was released by the recognition of truth.
Insecurity is a persistent and potential product of our fragile and faulty human condition. It is easily accessible, because it was designed personally for us, for our weakest points and our most doubtful moments. But, insecurity is not going to maintain the dominant position in our thoughts any longer. As we lay claim to the victory that Jesus gives and continues to speak over us, the sprint of our thoughts will be halted by the truth of His words. How foolish of us to not believe in our potential as much as our enemy does. How foolish of us to build our own obstacle of insecurity with the aid of our enemy, knowing that success awaits us accessibly on the other side.
So, what about me?
Dear one, you know that God-inspired dream you have been holding onto for so long? It has already been given to you. You remember the success and influence that you desire to have in the world around you? God deeply desires that for you. We are children of the living God, no longer bound by insecurity, but running the race toward the victory that God has already won for us.
What words is insecurity whispering to you? How can you use your knowledge of God’s truth to combat them? Make a decision today to focus on His truth.
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